Aside from technique ...
The quest for becoming a "perfect follow" or a "perfect lead" is a long one and it involves lots of practice to improve the technique. But there are some things that one can do right away, aside from technique, to make a single dance or an entire evening a better experience and PLEASE trust me, they are VERY important.
For both leaders and followers :
* NEVER talk (about people/room/shoes/scenery) to your partner (or even worst, with someone else) while dancing. Not only you are likely ruining it for him/her, but you are ruining it for everyone in your close vicinity. So, please do everyone the favor of shutting the hell up. If your partner is the "talker", don't talk back. In many cases, that should take care of it. If she/he insists, say you can't talk and dance at the same time.
* The milonga is the place where your joy of dancing should come out. It's not the place to refine techniques, to learn steps, etc. Many times I enjoyed dances with dancers who were far from being perfect, because I could feel their joy. Don't lose track of the fact that tango is a dance, and it's SUPPOSED to be enjoyed.
* For a lot of people it is extremely annoying when the music is drowned by chatter. So when you are on the sidelines socializing, lower your voice. Get closer to the person you're talking to, or move away from the speaker. Don't try to talk OVER the music for crying out loud.
* Do not be a "baby seater". If you asked someone to dance and they said, "I'm tired, maybe later", DO NOT SIT DOWN NEXT TO THEM AND WAIT FOR THE "LATER". Ever. The only exception to that rule is if THEY ASK you to sit down and wait with them.
* Bring more then one shirt/top, if you know you are sweating a lot.
* Use unscented deodorant (and yes, for the love of God, do use deodorant).
* Don't try to cover a bad smell with deodorant/perfume. It never works. Take a shower, now it's not the time to save money by conserving water.
* If on your way to the milonga, people in your close proximity had sudden respiratory problems, you may be wearing too much perfume. Knock it off.
For followers, under any circumstances do not :
* Look around while dancing, checking out people/room/shoes/scenery. Or, even worst, checking out yourself in the mirror. If you are easily distracted, close your eyes. Some follows like to assist with navigation, and it's useful ONLY when done right. That means, no head turning and not getting tense. If you can't help getting tense when other dancers are getting close, close your eyes.The only thing I should feel from you is a subtle increase in the groundness and/or a slight tightening of the embrace when you think the current direction we're moving could lead to a collision. The key words here are "subtle" and "slight".
* Second guess your leader in navigation. If your lead leads you to step somewhere, step, even if you think will lead to a collision (feel free to communicate your concern by the afore mentioned increase in groundness), but don't refuse to move (or worst, hesitate). I know I'll have some followers (and even leaders) disagree with this, "but he asked me to step on somebody's toes!". For the most part, you don't know that, since you didn't step. The other side of the coin is, do not dance with someone if you don't COMPLETELY trust their ability to navigate in the current circumstances. For example, if a beginner asks you to dance and you think they can't navigate competently in that environment, tell them "not now, it's a bit too crowded, how about later?". And do go get them later, when you think they can hack it ... errr ... I mean, do it.
* Apologize for ANYTHING but hurting someone. Whatever you do, NEVER, EVER apologize for missing a lead or screwing up a step. If you absolutely have to apologize for something, keep it until the dance/song is over.
* Allow your right hand to hang from your leader's left hand like a dead rabbit hanged in a tree. Unlike the tree, we get tired. And it doesn't feel that great holding a dead rabbit in one's hand either, I promise. Keep your own hand up please.
For leaders, under any circumstances do not :
* Aside for keeping an eye on your immediate surroundings, look around while dancing, checking out people/room/shoes/scenery. Or, even worst, checking out yourself in the mirror.
* Appologise for ANYTHING but hurting someone. Whatever you do, NEVER, EVER apologize for a step/sequence/figure that didn't come out as you wanted it. First, since she doesn't know what you wanted to do (hopefully, you are not trying to communicate verbally), she can't tell it didn't come out as you intended it. Second, it makes you look like an insecure leader, and we all know how much women love an insecure man...
* Teach on the dance floor at a milonga. While this is covered by the "do not talk" rule, it merits it's own space. Every time you stop to show your partner something, you are likely blocking the line of dance, forcing people to navigate around you. Which makes you an asshole. Stop that please. Most women resent unsolicited advice on the dance floor at a milonga anyway, so you are effectively shooting yourself in the foot there. If advice is solicited, get off the dance floor or at a minimum, go to the middle of the dance floor. If I see you trying to impress a beginner by "teaching" her your favorite (usually poorly executed) colgada-volcada-dip-sacada combination I will make it my mission for that milonga to dance with all your victims and gently inform them about milonga codes and what kind of leaders they should avoid. With a little help most women figure out the assholes pretty quickly.
And here are a few suggestions, they don't always apply, and they are not a huge deal, but at least consider them.
* For followers, take your glasses off. It's nearly impossible to dance close embrace comfortably with eyeglasses on. Consider contacts. This applies to leaders as well if you can still see well enough to navigate...
* For followers (not much a problem for men), don't wear anything that creates a bulge on your chest/abdomen, no matter how small (like dresses with a knot in front, jewelry, etc). It makes it very uncomfortable in close embrace.
* For leaders. If you get an erection during the dance, err on the side of caution and assume she's not appreciating it. Move to open embrace immediately if it's not visible or just excuse yourself claiming a "bathroom emergency".
* For followers, don't wear tight skirts, dresses. If you can't comfortably take a the largest step you can take wearing pants, it's too tight.
Feel free to add your own ...
9 comments:
Amen.
People who look around when they dance give off a vibe of utter disinterest and disconnection from their partner.
People who talk while dancing are not focusing on the dance. I usually say "shhhh..." in their ear when they do and they get the hint. In the rare instance they don't, I say I dont talk and dance at the same time. And in the even rarer instance that they keep talking anyways, I end the tanda right then and there as gracefully as I can.
don't forget about halitosis. People really need to think about their breath. If one is getting dehydrated, it makes their breath bad even if they already did everything right from brushing, flossing to downing tic-tacs. Load up on water regularly.
I don't wear deodorant nor even anti-perspirant. I use this Swiss product called Lavillin - it kills the bacteria that makes sweat stinky. Ever since I discovered it, I threw out all my brand names deodorants and antiperspirants. I swear, it works like magic and for days too. I am a walking talking Lavillin spokesperson. Love that stuff.
And finally navigation issues. What I usually do during a song break with leaders who have navigational problems is tell them that when I hug them a little tighter, it means there's someone right behind them. They seem to appreciate it.
And finally, when the break between songs is over, stop talking and start dancing or you're holding up the line of dance. If you really can't end the conversation, get off the floor.
Hey, thanks!
Hmmm I'm a bit disappointed to read that from someone who is relatively new to A.T and ought to have a fresh perspective on things. All this could have been written by, say, Pichi of BsAs. Was expecting something like "If you emulate Gavito and do pause after pause after pause then don't complain that you get kicked. If you drive at low-speed in highway you're responsible for the accident."
Also things like:
If you asked someone to dance and they said, "I'm tired, maybe later", DO NOT SIT DOWN NEXT TO THEM AND WAIT FOR THE "LATER"
Hey if the woman was not sincere when she said she was tired then it's ok for me to park myself there and prove her wrong.
"Hey if the woman was not sincere when she said she was tired then it's ok for me to park myself there and prove her wrong."
You are right, prove her wrong. Next time you ask, she better learn to sincere and say "You are a creep and I'd rather have my nails pulled out slowly one by one then allow you to touch me", or maybe "No, you don't have any idea yet what argentine tango is and tonight I'm not in the mood to be tortured with your stiff embrace and your poorly executed figures you insist to lead despite being unable to walk".
Yeah, teach her her a lesson, it's about time she learns to deal properly with assholes.
Hmmm... I think it is so telling when someone makes inflammatory statements and then signs themselves anonymous.
Anyone who actually decides to "teach someone a lesson" by behaving badly deserves to receive "No, thank you" as opposed to whatever version of "Thank you, but I am tired/resting/waiting, maybe later..." their intended offers in order to not upset them.
dear anonymous:
i will remember what you wrote, at all the future milongas i attend to the day of my death.
next time someone sits next to me after i say no (regardless of the sincerity or insincerity of my excuse), i will never dance with him, ever. and i will get right up and dance with the next man who asks me, to show that people like you deserve to be sitting, because you are either clueless boors, or desperate assholes.
thank you.
Come to think of it: how much of this advice also applies to practicas? To dance classes?
Yeah that's why the tactics of the false invite works. You want to invite a woman and to avoid a no you first send a buddy who will invite the woman and get the no, he sits, then you come and she dances with you.
Insightful observations! As a fairly new dancer(about 18 months or so) I cant tell you how much it irritates me when a leader tells me how to "improve" or makes a "suggestion" while dancing at a milonga. I almost never can dance well with that person after this takes place. I have now begun to tell people politely "I appreciate your concern but I take classes when I want to learn and come to the milonga to dance. So thanks but no thanks." Maybe that doesnt make me a gushing beginner who is eager to please but it has worked often times and people respect you more.
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